6. Tolerance is the Best We Can Hope For
Bold Acting Newsletter 006 -- May 14th, 2023
Remember when tolerance was a bad word? For about five minutes. It was right after we discovered we have to love one another despite our differences. Now that the bar has been lowered down to the dirt I am advocating for a return to the bare minimum.
Toleration Nation
Clearly we’re wired up for assholery. So much so it makes me question the Theory of Evolution. It should be called the Theory of Intermittent Social Evolution and De-Evolution When it Comes to Humans Maybe, Hopefully, Fingers Crossed. We evolve but we devolve too. When she lost her job as premiere of Alberta in 2019 Rachel Notley said something along the lines of this is still progress. Hers was the first NDP government in a 1000 years of Albertan conservative rule. And even though she lost to Jason Kenney — someone I think we can all agree as one of Canada’s best carpetbaggers (And lover of cats) — her’s was a premiership that the NDP and the Left could be proud of.
One Step Forward
Progress is marked in blood and failure, regression and upset. One step forward is the step one should focus on. Not the ten steps back. Tolerance now would be an improvement. And the only way you make progress is taking small steps in the right direction. It seems insurmountable at times. It can be overwhelming to say the least.
A Gentle Reminder to Prioritize Your Worries
What are you worrying about? I would argue that if your worries are too big or too small they're not worth your time.
Too Big:
1. Climate Change
2. Politics
3. The Economy
Too Small:
1. Your appearance
2. What people think of you
3. Expectation
There is no Don't Worry just like there is no Be Happy. We're going to worry. You can’t stop worrying by telling yourself “Don’t do that” just like you can’t change your mood with a command like “Be happy!” So worry about the things that really matter. Worry creatively so that you can come up with the solutions you need.
Become a discriminating worrier. Reframe your pearl-clutching. Call it something else like brainstorming or white-boarding or whatever is least annoying. Put pen to paper. The slowness of writing with a pen will slow your breathing down. You’ll gain perspective.
Then if you’re like me publish your chicken scratch for anyone to see. Or not. Not all of us require an audience for our most intimate drivel. I hope for the largest one possible.
Fear-Based Living — A lose-Lose
When we are fearful (of others, of a situation) we are taking comfort in a guaranteed righteousness. If we are found to be right in our fearfulness then we were right! But if we were found to be over-cautious and the bad thing didn’t happen then we were just being cautious. No one can fault you for staying safe. Fear is a win-win. Except that it’s not, of course. No one ever made anything great through cowardice. You miss out on life. The one thing that with each day lived we have less and less of.
He’s Okay I Guess
The evidence is in. I’m not great. I tolerate me. Just like I tolerate my weird neighbour that has a dog that never stops barking and is barking as I write this (Shout-out to Marley!) Just like I must tolerate my renter who yesterday complained there were too many bugs outside. I told her there wasn’t much I could do about it instead of saying Are you joking right now? You’re not seriously suggesting that bugs outside, in nature are my responsibility also?
How’s your neighbour?
She’s okay, I guess.
How’s renting your basement going?
It could be worse.
How’s it going as a parent?
On some days my kids might describe me as pretty good.
You’re the One You’re With
No more crushing it. There’s nothing to crush. No more killing it. No more murdering. You don’t have to knock it out of the park. Just relax. All this will be over in a blink of an eye. Legacy doesn’t exist. You’ll be dead. If it’s pretty good it's great. It’s impossible to always love the one you’re with. For the one you’re with is you. You’re just too exposed to not disappoint some of the time.
Now tolerate others as you wish to be tolerated. Starting with yourself.
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JB