22. How to be a Person -- We’ve Got to Talk About How Justin Talks
Sunday, June 2nd 2024
Everybody knows the polls look terrible for Justin. Everyone knows Pierre Poillievre will be our next Prime Minister. But there are three things that Justy Trews could do differently that would afford him a more elegant exit.
By virtue of Pierre’s runaway popularity I find myself hoping the lengthy run-up to the next election is just enough rope for the Calgarian. And by the way, he IS a Calgarian so the Anglos trying to pronounce Poillievre’s name Frencherly can stop. Thanks. You’re fooling no one.
I can’t stand being in accordance with popular sentiment however the evidence is overwhelming. Watch for Pierre to enjoy a landslide victory come next Spring.
The Top Three Things Justin Can Do so he Loses with Grace
1. Distance yourself from Jagmeet Singh
It’s over. And the NDP are always the bridesmaids. Go out on your own Justin. Start swinging for the fences. It’s Hail Mary time. Do something radical! (That doesn’t mean you should start wearing capes again.)
2. Get a Girlfriend
Halle Berry is single. So talented, so beautiful. Also has three kids.
3. Learn How to Talk.
What is with the hushed drama-voice? Justin, you’re not narrating a nature documentary. You’re not David Attenborough sneaking-up on an Ibex giving birth. What’s with all the stilted and breathy emotion? No one is buying it.
Check out this cringe-worthy Christmas video for example:
One YouTube comment said “Only Trudeau would manage to turn a Christmas message into a lecture.”
How does he do it? He still wants to be an actor, that’s how. But when we add a thick layer of mustard to our communications we lead the witness. Audiences don’t need to be told how to feel. The less editorializing the better. Politicians are the worst at this. Leave room for the audience. When we’re watching a performance we don’t want it handed to us on a silver platter. We want to be a part of the alchemy.
Prime Minister, the minute you quit acting is the minute people will stop rolling their eyes at you. Tighten the cap on your bottle of effervescence. Watch the great performances. Take your cues from Frances McDormand, Gene Hackman or Michael Stuhlbarg. They don’t spell it out for you, they don’t hammer you on the head with it. Put thine eyebrows down, Justin. We get it. You’re a feeler.
And put the cape down too. Dress-up time starts again summer 2025.